The British Screenwriter's ode to Hollywood

The movies are doing my head in at present

Of all careers out there, this one seemed quite pleasant

But getting things made is like walking in treacle

It isn't my fault, No! I blame other people!

For this is a business where everyone smiles

Make sure that you're up on the Hollywood styles

'How bankable is he and what did he say?'

'Is she right for it?' 'Maybe? How much does she weigh?'

'I'll read it tomorrow!' 'God damn I forgot!'

'Next time you're in Cannes you should come on my Yacht'

'Do you have a nice Indie? I want the next Juno!'

'I quite liked the start but the rest's a bit... you know?'

'Wow you're a screenwriter?' 'What have you made?'

'I'm not signing anything till I get paid/laid'

'Is that actual blood on page ninety six?' 

(Where I gouged my eyes out and impaled them on sticks)

'You're from England? 'I love that!' 'Hi! How have you bin?'

(That means that he's poor and has terrible skin!)

I'll just quit so I don't have to moan like a bitch...

Yeah, who am I kidding... They might make me rich...